Thursday, November 17, 2016

An Immodest Proposal

This is going to come as a surprise to a lot of you.  It will seem like a total betrayal of my views, but I've had some time to reflect and I just can't ignore the simple moral equation at work here any longer: 

I firmly believe that we should stop providing funding for insurance or research of erectile dysfunction aids in all forms. 

I know, I know, that seems drastic.  But as you know I'm a person of great faith and I just can't square my conscience with this subversion of nature!  God created man and women to work exactly as we do – and if God decided that your penis shouldn't work anymore, than who are you to defy the will of God?  This nation is on a downward spiral right into Hell and we can't keep putting our own will above that of the Almighty.  Perhaps you think it's your right as a man to procreate, but I say this to you:  God has made another choice. 

It is the height of selfishness to expect me to allow my tax dollars to pay into any insurance program or research of a product that so strongly goes against my values.  In this melting pot of a nation I should never have to be accepting of anything that is not personally within my own standards. 

And speaking of selfishness, erectile dysfunction largely affects... let's say men of a certain age.  Don't you think you should be more responsible?  How can you be so short-sighted as to possibly father a child you may not be able to provide for until adulthood?  Is society supposed to bear that burden for you just because you want to retire before the age of 80? 

What's that you say?  You think you have a right to have sex without the sole focus being the conception of a child?  Absurd.  This is exactly the kind of morally devoid thinking that is sending this nation straight to Hell!  Perhaps you should keep an aspirin between your knees and give some thought to your choices instead of running around corrupting everyone's daughters with your filth.  You're probably some reckless gigolo; do you expect us to approve of that type of behavior?  To make it easier on you?  How dare you.

This is the problem with allowing men to run wild: you get these ideas about what you want being  acceptable instead of just following the norms of a polite society.  Who are you expecting to have all this sex with, anyway?  It's not as though women are going to risk bearing your children when you're so immature and entitled.  Clearly all these dangerous erection drugs are altering your ability for reason. 

And do we really need men getting any more emotional, anyway?  Who can keep up with the mood swings?  Your silly sports team makes a mistake and you're shouting and carrying on, and the next minute you're laughing again!  Can you really be expected to handle your disgusting "sexuality" responsibly when you can't even control your emotions? 

Now I know what you're thinking.  You think this is all terribly unfair and I just don't understand.  Please calm down.  You're just not thinking clearly, as usual.  You're getting all hysterical again.  If you can just be rational you'll understand that these drugs are dangerous for you and for society as a whole. 

Sorry, men.  But we simply cannot allow you to pollute our society any longer.  And this is without even mentioning the deeply unfair concept of asking half the nation's population to fund a product we will never need!  I think it's best that you should have to raise the exorbitant price for these drugs yourself, which will force you to think about the consequences of their use rather than just having free erections all willy nilly.  And if you can't afford them, then it's for the best as you couldn't afford a child anyway, and as I said before, that's the only good reason to have sex, ever. 


If any part of this offended you, yay!  That was the point.  Now please consider that these are all things women are told constantly about why we shouldn't have access to birth control.  Even women who need it to treat health issues, even women for whom pregnancy would be a health risk, even even even.  And that shouldn't matter anyway.  You want the abortion rate down?  Birth control.  You want welfare costs down?  Birth control.  Or we could keep slut-shaming women in a society that teaches men they are literally entitled to sex though for god's sake I can't figure out with whom since women aren't supposed to have sex ever unless it's for babies. 

Just know what you're buying into when you put your two cents into that jar.