I do not like you, 50 Shades.
There are far superior marital aids.
I do not like your hacky prose,
In fact I think it really blows.
And though I would like slimmer hips,
I doubt I'll get them by biting my lips.
So take this "workout" thing and shove it –
even if the sheltered housewives love it.
I do not like you, 50 Shades of Grey,
When oh when will you go away?!
(Actual content coming later this week. Promise.)