Friday, August 10, 2012

Fumbling Towards Byzantium

I haven't posted in a while.  Sorry about that.  But after writing about my dad, it's been a little hard for me to make myself post anything that will cause his image to scroll further down (and eventually off) the page. Something about it just seemed... wrong, somehow.  Like if I could just keep writing and let that post move through the queue I'd be erasing him or something. 

On the other hand, that post got such a response (both online and out in the meatspace) that I feel like I need to write more.  I've ignored that, whether out of lack of inspiration or out of fear of letting Dad's post go, or something else entirely.  But I want to get back into it. 

Some of what you may see here will be mindless drivel.  Or me babbling about pop culture, or me whining about why the Mets can't just play consistent baseball, or me scheming on how to get Firestar into Avengers 2.  Some of it will be higher quality content when the inspiration and ability strike me. 

And some of it will be continuing to talk about mental health.  I promise this is not going to become Tara's Depression Blog.  Pinky swear.  But some of you have said my posts on that topic really helped you, and writing things out always helps me to organize them in my brain, so I'm going to stick with that while trying to interject some other stuff as well. 

In a way I feel like I owe this to my dad a bit.  A lot of people at his wake and funeral asked me why I'm not a writer and I didn't have a good answer.  The best I could come up with was, "I don't really know how to be a writer."  But I'm reminded of the advice Neil Gaiman says he always gives to young writers:  "Write. Finish things."  So that's what I'm going to try to do.  Maybe it'll go somewhere, maybe it'll just help me keep my head organized and allow me to connect with all of you who read these things.  Either way I feel like it's a win. 

Post title is an unholy mashup of this Sarah McLachlan song and this William Butler Yeats poem.  Don't you judge me; I'm a complex woman.


  1. I love that Sarah McLachlan song. Great choice. And yes, keep writing! You can always self-publish. That's what I did with And Here's To You. 4 years later, still one of the best things I ever wrote.

  2. I think Neil's advice is really good. And you certainly seem to have a way with words, as well as being funny and witty.

    I know that feeling of "if I do this, does it mean I'm letting him/her go?" so well. It takes a good while to realise that sometimes parting with things related to our loved ones does not mean forgetting them. I felt really guilty when I stopped lighting a candle for my grandmother every New Year's. Like I wasn't giving her the importance she deserves anymore. Who cares if I'm on a beach on NYE? I should have a candle with me to make sure she's never forgotten. Right? But then I started realising that if I don't do that on NYE, even if for a moment, amidst the celebrations I end up not remembering to stop and think of her, I will never forget her. I always tell people stories about her and sometimes I talk to her when I'm in bed. She'll always be here, like I'm sure your Dad will be there with you.

    Don't give up writing.

  3. Writing's great, a pain in the ass sometimes, but still great. And you're good at it, so, stick with it! We'll keep reading!